In Blackest Night – Mirtazapine – Day 2

I ended up dozing off a number of times yesterday – slept about three hours before I ended up going to bed and slept all night with the exception of waking up once.  The lucid dreams seem to have been the cause.

Today, I awoke fairly easily and I was able to drive – had to take my wife (yes, I’m now married) to work for a training course and then take the kids to school.  I had a doctor appointment at 10 am and found myself getting very irritated after having to wait about an hour to actually be seen and my youngest daughter became more and more restless.  Noise is a big impactor for me – I get extremely irritable when surrounded by noise and my head becomes, what I can only describe as, a shaken bottle of pop.

After a crushing blow to my self esteem, confidence and self worth on Tuesday, I still find myself reeling.  I have a follow-up appointment in a few weeks with the GP to assess any changes after having given the meds a few weeks to kick in.  I’m trying to be productive today and get cleaning done and have reverted back to doing a to-do list to see if that helps me focus and get shit done.

I’ve stayed off of Facebook, only going on to respond to messages and share my recent blog posts.  I’m avoiding my news feed and anything else that may cause agitation/frustration and it seems to be going well so far.  At this stage, I feel a strong desire to reconnect with life and shed any meaningless and unhelpful urges.

As of now, it is just before midday and my energy levels feel OK, I’m lying on the sofa typing this and the need for sleep is emerging so I’m going to get back to it before my body gives in to the siren-esque call of sleep.

I continue to hope that doing a daily blog post about my experience helps and becomes something I can look back on for motivation as I desperately need it.  I also hope that this proves useful to others in terms of having similar experiences and to encourage folks in the same boat to try and do the same.  I’m no expert and don’t class myself as a guru for depression but I would love to get to a point where I can help others based on my experience and feed off of their ideas and they do the same with mine.

Please feel free to comment with what works/doesn’t work for you and give any feedback as I’d like to know how effective/ineffective this is.

Look after yourselves.