In Blackest Night – Mirtazapine – Day 3 (AKA The Day After A Missed Dose)

After my blog post yesterday,I ended up succumbing to the lures of sleep and had a nap for about an hour.  When I woke up, after a moment or two of feeling disoriented, I felt pretty good.  I got up, did some more cleaning and then picked the kids up from school.  Despite a few challenges in regards to the kids’ behaviour, I forced myself to remain positive and avoid any aggression (shouting etc.) but sadly it didn’t last long.

By the time we got home and the kids eventually got out of their uniforms my buttons were pushed.  Seren (my eldest daughter – 8) kept telling me no when I asked her to put stuff away.  Her behaviour then rubbed off on Talia (4) and Georgia (2).  I must admit, yesterday was one of the toughest on me because I was trying so hard to change my frame of mind and my way of tackling obstacles that I hit the ground so hard I practically broke.

I ended up sleeping for most of the evening and, thanks to Georgia waking before it was time to go to bed, I ended up curling up beside her in her bed and staying there all night.  I keep my meds by the bedside seeing as I have to take the Mirtazapine at night but I totally forgot to take it despite having a very restless and broken sleep.

My dreams seem to consist of things going on around me (I obviously must hear things during the light sleep phase) which embed into my dreams which create a mish-mash of nonsense.  I found last night that my dreams incorporated random things from Celebrity Big Brother (my wife was watching it while I slept) and merged with LEGO Dimensions (my latest endeavour/addiction).  Each time I woke, I found myself more and more disoriented and confused – looking around at my surroundings through eyes that were barely slits, confused as to where I was and how I ended up there.

This morning, I tried to do some tidying while my wife did the school run but it felt like everything was in slow motion – as if I was doing everything underwater.  I ended up falling asleep upright on the sofa to be met with a really sore neck when I awoke and then I ended up falling asleep again.  It’s just after midday as I type this and I’ve slept for about two hours so far today.  I feel a bit more alert (but not much) and I have lots to do but no motivation or energy to do so.  It’s too early for the Mirtazapine do have any effect but missing a dose certainly hasn’t helped.

I feel lost in terms of where I am with the meds as I’m in the habit of taking them early in the morning when I’m in the kitchen making coffee and now, the shift to taking them at night has posed a bigger challenge than expected.

[A FEW HOURS LATER]

It’s now just after 5 pm – my energy levels seem to be pretty good; we got in from the school run and I’ve been busy prepping veg and sorting out the washing/drying.  As I type this segment, it’s the first break I’ve taken since getting in.  I have had some ideas milling about in my head as to other (related) subjects to blog about so, depending on how tonight goes, I may put out another post or have a draft ready, by the very least.

I want to mention, more so for me keeping track of it, that I think I may have had a panic attack earlier – I’ve never had one so I have no idea how it feels and my only exposure to it is through US sitcoms (the paper bag hyperventilating thing) or, what I think is a more accurate depiction, The Sopranos.  I never blacked out but the shortness of breath, heart palpitations, vision kinda blurring and a woozy head tells me that it either was one or was close to becoming one.